Calaveras

 

Bad Dog

03:10
Calaveras
05/01/2008
Greg Beattie

Story

Dogs are unlike all other animals (and most politicians) because they experience guilt and remorse. If a dog could talk (and sing) I think this is how he would assess himself.

Lyrics

To tell the truth I’m misunderstood Never had a thing against doing good But when I see a full moon, I can’t stop howling Or a tasty little poodle, I can’t keep from growling I’m a bad dog and I can’t change Ain’t no ointment for this kind of mange If it itches I scratch, if it tickles I kick If it smells I sniff, if it’s nasty I lick Cause I’m a bad, bad dog. I once caught a fat Siamese cat—oh boy Gave it a nice Chinese name—chew toy But just because I chase squirrels and cats and cars That’s no reason to put me behind these bars I spent a year of hard time here in this pen And you know in dog years, that’s seven to ten But I’m bustin’ out and it sure is a crime So many hydrants so little time Cause I’m a bad dog and I can’t change Ain’t no ointment for this kind of mange If it itches I scratch, if it tickles I kick If it smells I sniff, if it’s nasty I lick Cause I’m a bad, bad dog. I might fetch your slippers and bring them to you But they’ll be covered with slobber and a little chewed too I don’t roll over or shake or sit Don’t know how those other mutts put up with that stuff I once took a try at obedience school But I must have broken some cardinal rule While the other dogs were learnin’ to sit up and beg I was getting acquainted with the instructor’s leg Bad dog! And I can’t change Ain’t no ointment for this kind of mange If it itches I scratch, if it tickles I kick If it smells I sniff, if it’s nasty I lick Cause I’m a bad, bad dog.